Amid the Pile

I had the mini-breakdown that had been festering beneath the surface for the last few weeks yesterday. And, as is typical, it came at the most inopportune time. You know how you try to hold it in because you don't want anyone else to have to deal with your crazy. Then it just explodes at the worst possible time for the other person and at a time that maximizes how crazy you look. That's what happened.

Josh met a girl he likes. This is a good thing, but it brings with it so many other things. The main thing being my ever-present feeling that people aren't my friend because they like me, but because it is convenient for them at that point in time. With the presence of someone new, there is no longer a need for me and the friendship ends, I never hear from him again, etc. He probably gets it the worst because of everything I've put on him and the fact that, you know, he's the last one left! Poor guy. He thinks my fears are unwarranted. I think I have valid reasons.

In any case, I am determined to make this time different. I think I've found what went wrong. This could totally work.

I think that's what is always said before the boom.