Back With a Vengeance
I almost forgot how to work this thing.
I deleted almost everything a long time ago, thinking it was time to move on to something new. Moving on meant moving the entries to another location in case I wanted to revisit it someday. Moving on wasn't really moving on at all. I got my own site because having my own domain was cool. But it proved too taxing for scatterbrained me. You have to renew it every few months, keep your credit cards up to date. I'm still paying for hosting, but until I figure out a domain worth renewing, I'm back to you, blogspot.
Tonight, I sat and looked at an e-mail a friend had sent suggesting that this person was meant to be alone. I sighed. Whenever anyone says that, I have one thought. As self-pitying as it may seem, I have to think that people don't know the meaning of the word. I laugh to think that they have the stones to say that to me. I, who has been alone for 27 years. One of my big sadnesses is knowing that if I died tomorrow, I could honestly say I have never loved nor been loved in that way. And even if you know me better than I know myself, you can't argue that fact. It is truth.
This always brings me back to Dawson's Creek, when Pacey tries to make Joey realize he loves her. Joey says maybe she's meant to be alone and Pacey, exasperated, says:
Why, Joey? Because you're 16 and alone?
No, because I'm 16 and only two people in my life have ever really known me.
Being 16 and thinking being alone is your destiny does sound a little ridiculous. But being 27 and in that boat... can sometimes seem like a sickness.
I deleted almost everything a long time ago, thinking it was time to move on to something new. Moving on meant moving the entries to another location in case I wanted to revisit it someday. Moving on wasn't really moving on at all. I got my own site because having my own domain was cool. But it proved too taxing for scatterbrained me. You have to renew it every few months, keep your credit cards up to date. I'm still paying for hosting, but until I figure out a domain worth renewing, I'm back to you, blogspot.
Tonight, I sat and looked at an e-mail a friend had sent suggesting that this person was meant to be alone. I sighed. Whenever anyone says that, I have one thought. As self-pitying as it may seem, I have to think that people don't know the meaning of the word. I laugh to think that they have the stones to say that to me. I, who has been alone for 27 years. One of my big sadnesses is knowing that if I died tomorrow, I could honestly say I have never loved nor been loved in that way. And even if you know me better than I know myself, you can't argue that fact. It is truth.
This always brings me back to Dawson's Creek, when Pacey tries to make Joey realize he loves her. Joey says maybe she's meant to be alone and Pacey, exasperated, says:
Why, Joey? Because you're 16 and alone?
No, because I'm 16 and only two people in my life have ever really known me.
Being 16 and thinking being alone is your destiny does sound a little ridiculous. But being 27 and in that boat... can sometimes seem like a sickness.
posted by colynn04 at
12:07 AM
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